AM I IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
As my thoughts flashed through Career, Business, Family, Health, Finance, I paused as I got to the thought of relationships and I thought for another second, Relationships? To cut this story short. YES, Relationship is what today is all about.
Relationship is one subject that affects every other area of our lives. Whether its an interpersonal relationship we have with friends, colleagues, family members etc or an intimate relationship we share with our spouse- boyfriend, girlfriend, husband ,wife; having a healthy relationship is really key to our happiness and success. So this week, we shall focus on intimate relationship.
There are many kinds of intimate relationships, and a given kind may fit a given person or couple at one stage of development but not at another. Driven by our personal history, we choose partners who help us meet our present needs, fulfill our expectations and if we are lucky, work with us throughout our issues and grow in the directions in which we need to grow. We all seem to know some couples who seem so mismatched that we wonder how they ever stay together, yet other couples seem so devoted to mutual punishment that we wonder why they stay together. Still others, by contrast, appear to be the perfect pair until we hear they are splitting up or getting a divorce.
Sharpening and deepening our awareness of what we are doing and how we are doing it can help us change our behavior in ways that make a relationship more nourishing and supportive, and less toxic and painful.
So the question is, how do I know if my relationship is healthy?
Just as physical health is on a continuum, emotional health and relationship health are also on a continuum. And like physical health, each person may have different criteria regarding what constitute health. For example, some people say they are very healthy if they get a cold once or twice a year while other's health criteria is that they never get sick at all. For some, a healthy relationship is two people who never fight or argue, or who take care of each other or basically agree on everything while others might see a healthy relationship as one that involves two people working out their differences regardless of the number of times they disagree.
Rather than concentrating on the external definition of a relationship, I suggest that you look inside and define for yourself what is really important to you in a relationship. While your relationship may have all the traditional characteristics of a healthy relationship, if it is not what you want, then it may not be a healthy relationship for you.
Richard was a young rich man in his early thirties who was ready to get married and start a family.He was in a relationship with Victoria and they had been courting for 4 years. Victoria was pushing to get married and Richard was resisting but could not understand why.
Richard and Victoria had so much in common. They were intelligent, emotionally open people, both wanted children, had similar spiritual beliefs and enjoyed the same activities.
So what was in the way of Richard wanting to marry Victoria???
I dont look forward to spending time with her "he said".
We dont seem to click when it comes to talking
I love to delve deeply into feeling and ideas.
I love sitting at the kitchen table and talking for hours without knowing how late it is. With Victoria, conversation is difficult and i think its because we dont play off each other with our humor and we cant get into in depth conversation.
I dont feel good about myself when i am with her
I dont think she respects me
She is not interested in what i think
At every disagreement we have, she threatens me with a break up
How many us have experienced any of the above????
A healthy relationship is one where;
You Feel good about yourself and your world
You look forward to spending time together
You respect your partner and "talk him or her up"
You are really interested in what he or she thinks
You are not scared of losing him/her
You appreciate other attractive people but are not interested in them
You are in love
You Trust him or her
You have Good Communication
You appreciate him or her
You explore each others interest so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together
You can talk about anything without fear of the other's anger or withdrawal
Each spouse supports the other in doing what makes him/her happy
You share common spiritual values
Kindly add your own opinion in the comment box below. Thank You
We each have the right to decide what is most important to us in a relationship. If you find out that you are not in a healthy relationship, DONT DESPAIR!!
Kindly follow me on twitter for daily motivation @ adeyinka_akeju
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A MUST READ STORY
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Hello AAB Readers. It has been quite a while and I am extremely sorry for staying out of touch. It was due to circumstances beyond my control. However I am back and it is for good.
I have this pathetic story that I got from "dynamite blog" and I thought I should share it with you all. It is about the horrifying experience of 8 girls in the hand of 8 devilish men. It is a Must read for all Ladies but i think men should also read it too so that you can advise your daughters, sisters and female friends
A MUST READ FOR ALL LADIES
"Hi, I am Tonia (not real name), a girl who has fears, beliefs, reservations and just your regular typical Nigerian girl. This past few weeks has been one hell of a game for me. I have really been unsettled and I thought I share this story with you.
"When Cynthia (the lady killed in the hotel room in Festac, Lagos) surfaced on the internet and various news media, I was scared and it brought back a whole lot of memories to me and also served as an eye opener. Many people castigated and criticized Cynthia (may her gentle soul rest in peace), but my point is, it could have been anybody, anybody at all.
"We have met people through various social media. Some have ended up well, some have not but with painful memories. To cut the long story short, let me kindly share with you my encounter with social media especially the very popular Blackberry Messenger (BBM).
"I am a graduate and currently serving in Kaduna. I could have worked it, but I needed somewhere to clear my head and forget about my ugly encounter. Here is my story.
"I happened to have a married man as a contact on my BBM. He had been asking me out for over six months and I refused to date him. As time went on, he invited me clubbing with him when his wife was outside the country, and I went with him all night. We spent most of the night at Swe bar, Lagos.
"I also met his clique of friends, married as well with their various mistresses. We had 'mad' fun. After all the clubbing and drinking, he lodged me in a hotel somewhere in Obalende. I felt sort of safe with him. We did not have sex, but he made sweet love to me and touched me in places I had never ever imagined.
"He kissed me passionately but guess what? He did not have sex with me. We did all sorts but there was no penetration. So, to an extent, I trusted he was a good person to be around with. I did not know that it was all part of the plan.
"He gave me N10,000 and put me in a cab to go home the next morning. We kept talking and chatting and sending naked pictures to each other and he told me naughty things of how he wanted to whisper things in my ear, I blushed. We didn't see for two weeks and that was because his wife just came back from Turkey.
"One faithful evening, he pinged me that he was organising a beach party/boat cruise and that he would love for me to be his date and that he wanted to open a BBM chat, as a medium for his friends and my friends to interact. I was excited about it, I just wanted to have fun. I was able to get five of my very hot friends.
"The Black Berry Messenger group opened and we got chatting. I also realise that majority of them were married and working in reputable firms. It was fun and we didn't mind if they were married, we just wanted to have fun, as well as some other girls apart from my friends in the group.
"We chatted exclusively, sent pictures to the BBM group to introduce ourselves, and we had opened group conversations pending the beach party. And as excited as we were, we went shoping for nice sexy beach wears.
"The D-day finally came, we all assembled at the Lagos Island Boat Club. I was wowed because it was a high class party. We were cruising in a boat loaded with goodies drinks and hot babes, and as well 'MARRIED MEN'. I did not care, I just said in my mind that I would not roll with married men anymore after this, that for now, all I wanted to do was to catch some fun. After all, I wasn't paying bills.
"We got there, it was a private beach resort. Most of the beach facilities I got to see there were owned by multinational companies. We got out of the boat, and went to where we were partying. It was a duplex made with wood. It was a very nice setting.
"I felt comfortable because it even had a fence around it separating it from other beach houses around. So, there was privacy and of course bouncers (heavy looking guys) guarding the place. I said to myself, this must be heaven, I must be dreaming.
"Anyways, we felt free with each other because we had been chatting. It was 5:30pm and the party just started. We had drinks flowing from the private bar tender which happens to be owned by one of the men in the group. Reality struck when I realised that I was feeling dizzy and feeling really funny and light headed. Not only me, but other girls around me too noticed there was something strange about it.
"I was also feeling HORNY as hell! I had been drugged. They monitored us and when they knew the drug had really gone deep into our system, they moved us up into the main beach house. I could still see faces, but was too weak and horny to react.
"Mr B, the man who took me clubbing, carried me in his hands like a sacrifice and put me down on the floor just as other men also did with their girls. We were eight in numbers; 8 girls, 8 guys, and they all stripped us down and had sex with us.
"I enjoyed it a bit because I was horny. It was a mixed feeling because I cried, I moaned, but I did not know how many times he came into me. He pounded me hard. I was dizzy, but he grabbed me with force. All I could notice was the wedding ring on his finger. I thought of how wicked and miserable some married can be. How inhuman and heartless they could be.
"All of them took turns in switching partners and slept with all of us. I passed out. That was the last thing I could remember. I felt water poured on me. I noticed all the other girls around me too were half naked and some stark naked.
"We spent the night at the beach, but the men were no where to be found. I looked round me and all I could see was packs of used condoms. I ran to pick my cloths and possibly raise an alarm. I got dressed, found my phone with an envelope. It contained N16,000 and a note asking us to take N2000 each for transport. Tears of anger and rage filled my eyes and the girls around me as well.
"We were drugged and used like tissue paper. I grabbed my phone and noticed a ping came in. I checked my phone and I noticed the BBM group had been deleted, and a message via BBM from MR B came in. He threatened me that if I say a word to anyone, I would regret it.
"I told him he was a bastard, and he said try it. A picture came in, several pictures. In fact, they were pictures of us being naked on the floor. Pictures of them humiliating us but they blurred the faces of the men. In total, I got 20 pictures. I was not myself for a month.
"I went back to school, I had no one to talk to. The rest of the semester was hell for me. My CGPA dropped drastically. It was the worst out of the worst result I ever had.
"Till today, my friends and I have not discussed this with anyone, but all I could do when I heard of Cynthia's story was to narrate my own ordeal anonymously and spread the news, the word, and pray they see it and changed their ways.
"I am now born again. I have given my life to Christ. I fear men so much that I cannot even move close to them. I still have nightmares, but with time, God will strengthen me and I will move on. My advice to single ladies out there is, do not be desperate for fun. Pray to God to open your eyes of understanding, and pray hard. He who kneels before God will stand before kings and queens.
"To all married women, pray hard to God to intervene in your marriages and turn your husbands from bad habits too and bad friends. As for me, I do not think I ever want to get married or date a man again. That chapter has been closed for good in my life.
Please, do not ignore my mail. Please post it. There are a lot of things we ladies need to learn including you. Please post it on your blog and save a soul. It could be your friend, sister, cousin, neighbour.
"God bless you as you pass it on. To all readers, I do not care if you insult me or rain abuses at me. My job is to share this encounter with you and save you from any mishap. God bless you all. Amen."
WOW!!!!
MY MESSAGE:
A MUST READ STORY
.jpg)
Hello AAB Readers. It has been quite a while and I am extremely sorry for staying out of touch. It was due to circumstances beyond my control. However I am back and it is for good.
I have this pathetic story that I got from "dynamite blog" and I thought I should share it with you all. It is about the horrifying experience of 8 girls in the hand of 8 devilish men. It is a Must read for all Ladies but i think men should also read it too so that you can advise your daughters, sisters and female friends
A MUST READ FOR ALL LADIES
"Hi, I am Tonia (not real name), a girl who has fears, beliefs, reservations and just your regular typical Nigerian girl. This past few weeks has been one hell of a game for me. I have really been unsettled and I thought I share this story with you.
"When Cynthia (the lady killed in the hotel room in Festac, Lagos) surfaced on the internet and various news media, I was scared and it brought back a whole lot of memories to me and also served as an eye opener. Many people castigated and criticized Cynthia (may her gentle soul rest in peace), but my point is, it could have been anybody, anybody at all.
"We have met people through various social media. Some have ended up well, some have not but with painful memories. To cut the long story short, let me kindly share with you my encounter with social media especially the very popular Blackberry Messenger (BBM).
"I am a graduate and currently serving in Kaduna. I could have worked it, but I needed somewhere to clear my head and forget about my ugly encounter. Here is my story.
"I happened to have a married man as a contact on my BBM. He had been asking me out for over six months and I refused to date him. As time went on, he invited me clubbing with him when his wife was outside the country, and I went with him all night. We spent most of the night at Swe bar, Lagos.
"I also met his clique of friends, married as well with their various mistresses. We had 'mad' fun. After all the clubbing and drinking, he lodged me in a hotel somewhere in Obalende. I felt sort of safe with him. We did not have sex, but he made sweet love to me and touched me in places I had never ever imagined.
"He kissed me passionately but guess what? He did not have sex with me. We did all sorts but there was no penetration. So, to an extent, I trusted he was a good person to be around with. I did not know that it was all part of the plan.
"He gave me N10,000 and put me in a cab to go home the next morning. We kept talking and chatting and sending naked pictures to each other and he told me naughty things of how he wanted to whisper things in my ear, I blushed. We didn't see for two weeks and that was because his wife just came back from Turkey.
"One faithful evening, he pinged me that he was organising a beach party/boat cruise and that he would love for me to be his date and that he wanted to open a BBM chat, as a medium for his friends and my friends to interact. I was excited about it, I just wanted to have fun. I was able to get five of my very hot friends.
"The Black Berry Messenger group opened and we got chatting. I also realise that majority of them were married and working in reputable firms. It was fun and we didn't mind if they were married, we just wanted to have fun, as well as some other girls apart from my friends in the group.
"We chatted exclusively, sent pictures to the BBM group to introduce ourselves, and we had opened group conversations pending the beach party. And as excited as we were, we went shoping for nice sexy beach wears.
"The D-day finally came, we all assembled at the Lagos Island Boat Club. I was wowed because it was a high class party. We were cruising in a boat loaded with goodies drinks and hot babes, and as well 'MARRIED MEN'. I did not care, I just said in my mind that I would not roll with married men anymore after this, that for now, all I wanted to do was to catch some fun. After all, I wasn't paying bills.
"We got there, it was a private beach resort. Most of the beach facilities I got to see there were owned by multinational companies. We got out of the boat, and went to where we were partying. It was a duplex made with wood. It was a very nice setting.
"I felt comfortable because it even had a fence around it separating it from other beach houses around. So, there was privacy and of course bouncers (heavy looking guys) guarding the place. I said to myself, this must be heaven, I must be dreaming.
"Anyways, we felt free with each other because we had been chatting. It was 5:30pm and the party just started. We had drinks flowing from the private bar tender which happens to be owned by one of the men in the group. Reality struck when I realised that I was feeling dizzy and feeling really funny and light headed. Not only me, but other girls around me too noticed there was something strange about it.
"I was also feeling HORNY as hell! I had been drugged. They monitored us and when they knew the drug had really gone deep into our system, they moved us up into the main beach house. I could still see faces, but was too weak and horny to react.
"Mr B, the man who took me clubbing, carried me in his hands like a sacrifice and put me down on the floor just as other men also did with their girls. We were eight in numbers; 8 girls, 8 guys, and they all stripped us down and had sex with us.
"I enjoyed it a bit because I was horny. It was a mixed feeling because I cried, I moaned, but I did not know how many times he came into me. He pounded me hard. I was dizzy, but he grabbed me with force. All I could notice was the wedding ring on his finger. I thought of how wicked and miserable some married can be. How inhuman and heartless they could be.
"All of them took turns in switching partners and slept with all of us. I passed out. That was the last thing I could remember. I felt water poured on me. I noticed all the other girls around me too were half naked and some stark naked.
"We spent the night at the beach, but the men were no where to be found. I looked round me and all I could see was packs of used condoms. I ran to pick my cloths and possibly raise an alarm. I got dressed, found my phone with an envelope. It contained N16,000 and a note asking us to take N2000 each for transport. Tears of anger and rage filled my eyes and the girls around me as well.
"We were drugged and used like tissue paper. I grabbed my phone and noticed a ping came in. I checked my phone and I noticed the BBM group had been deleted, and a message via BBM from MR B came in. He threatened me that if I say a word to anyone, I would regret it.
"I told him he was a bastard, and he said try it. A picture came in, several pictures. In fact, they were pictures of us being naked on the floor. Pictures of them humiliating us but they blurred the faces of the men. In total, I got 20 pictures. I was not myself for a month.
"I went back to school, I had no one to talk to. The rest of the semester was hell for me. My CGPA dropped drastically. It was the worst out of the worst result I ever had.
"Till today, my friends and I have not discussed this with anyone, but all I could do when I heard of Cynthia's story was to narrate my own ordeal anonymously and spread the news, the word, and pray they see it and changed their ways.
"I am now born again. I have given my life to Christ. I fear men so much that I cannot even move close to them. I still have nightmares, but with time, God will strengthen me and I will move on. My advice to single ladies out there is, do not be desperate for fun. Pray to God to open your eyes of understanding, and pray hard. He who kneels before God will stand before kings and queens.
"To all married women, pray hard to God to intervene in your marriages and turn your husbands from bad habits too and bad friends. As for me, I do not think I ever want to get married or date a man again. That chapter has been closed for good in my life.
Please, do not ignore my mail. Please post it. There are a lot of things we ladies need to learn including you. Please post it on your blog and save a soul. It could be your friend, sister, cousin, neighbour.
"God bless you as you pass it on. To all readers, I do not care if you insult me or rain abuses at me. My job is to share this encounter with you and save you from any mishap. God bless you all. Amen."
Really touching story.
Let us all be careful
Don’t forget to follow me on twitter for daily inspirational quotes @ adeyinka_akeju
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